Leigh MacKay writes

[Jack Bennest]

A Fair Memory
A memoir by Leigh MacKay

Years ago, in the days before celular phones and compact discs, back in the prime of Vancouver's Pacific National Exhibition, I spent many weekend mornings hosting a radio show from a mobile studio on location at the fairgrounds. In those days, Cyndi Lauper let us know that "Girls Just Want To Have Fun," Kim Carnes sang about someone with "Bette Davis Eyes," and The Police watched "Every Breath You Take."

Sitting in the glass box of the studio was a wonderful place to people watch. In a short time, you?d see the entire spectrum of human nature go by?from kids to grandparents; old school conservatives to the wildly outrageous. Between the music and commercials, I?d inform listeners about the many attractions of the fair. A variety of vendors, anxious to promote their slicers and dicers, cleaners and polishers, and gadgets for car and home, would visit me for an on-air interview done to the background chants of ?Win a house. Win a car.? and ?A pen, a pen, a pencil set.?

Starting a day at the fair was marvellous. I?d arrive at 9 a.m., an hour before the gates were open to the public. The air was already full of wonderful PNE smells. Open-air grills would be frying bacon and eggs for employees working early shifts; another place was grilling onions for foot-long hot dogs. There were bubbling oil pots cooking those little donuts that are so tasty with a coating of sugar, and still other food sellers were frying hamburgers and barbecuing chicken for the crowds to come.

One year, in the Best of BC tent, BC Natural Gas constructed a complete kitchen that looked just like a television set. To demonstrate the benefits of cooking with natural gas, celebrity chefs would join a competent, attractive, young woman who hosted a cooking show. She would instruct the guest chefs through a recipe. On one particular day, I was to be a celebrity chef.

After my on-air shift, I watched the day?s first cooking demonstration. I dropped in as an audience member to see what took place, since I was to be the next chef. Sitting in the back row, I attentively watched the presentation and mentally noted all the steps needed to prepare the dish. When my turn came, and I realized she was going to take me through the same recipe I witnessed earlier, I saw an irresistible opportunity for some fun.

Acting self-conscious and shy, I pretended that everything was new to me. Linda (not her real name) introduced me to the audience seated under the shade of the tent and explained that we would be cooking ham steak with raisin sauce. As she began to move me through the steps of the recipe, I intentionally started to show increased confidence and I gently took control of our little presentation.

?In each of these tiny dishes," I informed our audience, "Linda has measured out our ingredients for the sauce and here are our ham steaks. So let?s mix our liquids first, the dry ingredients second, and then we can combine them.? She looked impressed with the way I seemed to know my way around a kitchen.

?My goodness," she exclaimed, "you're talented!?

?Well, Linda,? I said, ?cooking is really very simple if you know the basic rules. Mix all the dry and liquid ingredients separately before combining. I'm sure the ladies in the audience are all too familiar with what I'm talking about.? There were nods of agreement from the gathering.

As I started to combine ingredients, I asked, ?Would you have a spatula, Linda? I prefer using one in this situation.?

?Me too!? she agreed, as she passed me the spatula I?d conveniently overlooked. I kept a close eye on Linda and told the audience each step of our procedure just before as she was about to give me direction.

?Okay, Linda, let?s get the thickening agent together for our raisin sauce. Here?s our corn starch but where?s the water?? I was setting her up.

?Well,? she said, ?Instead of water, we?ll be using a half-cup of orange juice I have in the fridge.? During the previous show, I noted that she explained how putting an orange in a microwave for four or five seconds makes it juicier.

As she put the small bowl of orange juice in my hand, I paused for effect, and confidently said, ?This might sound like the craziest thing, Linda, but have you ever microwaved an orange? You know, you?ll get more juice that way.? She was totally amazed and speechless. What mischief!

With the dish prepared and presented, the audience applauded our performance. Linda asked, ?Do you do the cooking at home??

?Not very often," I answered. "Compared to my wife, I don't know the first thing about cooking.?

? 2003