12 Seconds with Jerry Falwell

[Glen Livingstone]

Although the Reverend Jerry Falwell died earlier this year, 12 Seconds was able to track down the genial clergyman at his luxury condo in Hell with its spectacular view overlooking the river Styx. We hope you enjoy our exclusive interview with the now-deceased founder of the Moral Majority. Here's one fellow who doesn't plan to spend all of eternity in damnation lying around on a scorched beach!

*************************

12 Seconds with Jerry Falwell

12: So what's it like living in Hell?

Jerry: Goddamn heat's killing me. Again.

12: That bad huh?

Jerry: Try 400 degrees in the shade. As that wanton hussy Paris Hilton would say, that's hot!

12: How'd you wind up down here?

Jerry: I dunno. One minute I'm talkin' to some broad from the escort service, and the next thing I know I'm checking into Bealzebub's B&B - via the chimney!

12: Lovin' it?

Jerry: Yeah, right. I have no money. My Am-Ex™ card melted.

12: Any gays or lesbians down here?

Jerry: Nah, they're all upstairs with the big guy. It's a damn shame. This place could really use a serious makeover.

12: Any regrets?

Jerry: I wish I'd packed more asbestos underwear.

12: We're out of time. Thanks Jerry.

Jerry: Jesus H. Christ, do me favour before you leave. Hit the 7-Eleven downstairs and grab me a slurppuccino™ would you? I'm burnin' up here! My F**kin' ass is on fire!

********************************

Pick Up a copy of Jerry Falwell's new book, "Roasted, Toasted and Religicized: A Dead Charlatan in Hell." Order online at Philistine.com.

[OpenMike]

My bad

[Glen Livingstone]

My bad

Aw, quit kiddin' around!

[Jack Bennest]

Jonathan Swift:

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.

[Glen Livingstone]

Jonathan Swift:

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.

Ain't it the truth!